I listened to every Iron Maiden record in a row. Here’s some hot takes.
152 songs. 15 hours of material. Over 3 weeks, I listened to nothing but Iron Maiden. And not the good stuff; not some playlist of hits, but every song included on every LP, in chronological order.
I got the idea because Maiden was touring and twitter was abuzz. The band was slaying it out there, and I thought to myself, “If I went to a Maiden concert, would I know all the songs? I think I’m an Iron Maiden fan, but am I really?” So I made a big ol’ playlist and committed. I have only ever dabbled in Iron Maiden so 80% of this would be music I have never heard. I also tweeted during the whole charade. These tweets are peppered through the post to bring you to the forefront of the action: blaring metal in my headphones at full volume on a crowded train.
A Maiden Primer
I took time to learn about the band while listening to all this music. Especially during the boring songs. Look, 15 hours of material is a lot. In the boredom I think I captured the arc of a now 44 year history, which is compelling and would make a great band movie.
Maiden’s TLDR storyline goes like this: Bassist Steve Harris formed the band in 1975 and helped usher in the wave of British heavy metal. After an O.K. record, and then a great record, they dumped their uncontrollable coked up lead singer Paul Di’Anno for Bruce Dickinson and released Number of the Beast.
Beast contains eight songs, five of which are fan favorite hits, and two of those are singles that charted on eight separate occasions(thanks Wikipedia). That’s amazing, and it’s because they’re genuinely great metal songs. In 2012 it was voted by the British to be the best British record in the modern era: over the Beatles, Queen and Pink Floyd. Beast is the beginning of their worldwide success and they released four more well received, good-selling records in the 1980s.
In the 90’s, however, Dickinson embarked on a solo career. Harris, the band’s leader and chief songwriter, embarked on a divorce. From what I read about Bruce and what I heard from Maiden’s records in that time… neither impressed. They were better together. They reunited, and have been churning out fan pleasing records ever since, anchored in their much loved 80’s sound.
How’d it go?
I wouldn’t have done this if I wasn’t a fan. Number of the Beast is one of my favorite records. I love metal, and am constantly looking for new metal to enjoy and share. (Shameless plug — follow me @adamhedge to get metal recommendations and more hot takes!) I was also inspired by articles recounting similar marathons from folks who binged the Marvel movies, particularly for the non mainstream opinions they produced.
What a slog. Most of this listening occurred on my Bay Area commute via BART. Songs bled together, transitions were missed, BART stops were missed, and tweet after tweet I struggled to craft opinions or even tell records apart.
Here is what I learned: a person’s experience with a band is different when binging their music, much like bingeing a show is different than watching episodes as they come out. Things don’t have time to bake, get preserved, and be loved. This is why people who binge Marvel movies think the fights are boring or Black Panther is generic, and I think Seventh son is overrated.
What should I not have to say? That Iron Maiden is amazing? Their career is beyond impressive. My opinions all come with an asterisk: Iron Maiden is the flag bearing champion of heavy metal and we should all be thankful. I am. Even though I would not recommend this. Don’t be stubborn. Still, thank you Steve Harris. Thanks for the metal.
Now that I’ve had time to reflect on the beauty and monotony of it all, I’m ready to give you hot takes! Yes, my opinion is valid. I’ve listened to every drop of this shit.
4 WORST best songs:
- Rime of the Ancient Mariner — Powerslave
- Children of the Damned — Number of the Beast
- Running Free — Iron Maiden
- Alexander the Great — Somewhere in Time
Iron Maiden has a lot of hits. Most of them are good, but some are not. Lets start with Mariner.
A Maiden fan, proofreading this article, was appalled that I didn’t like it. That’s ok. Let me open your eyes: Harris himself admits to writing it under the gun. The chorus goes on and on and on. It has like 3 ideas and takes almost 14 minutes to get through them. Bruce’s vocals stay in your head and not in a good way. It’s in my head now! I hope I never listen to it again.
When you’re listening to endless Maiden, Maiden is at its worst when its endless.
Children of the Damned is one of the first times Bruce Dickinson yells the name of a song over and over in the chorus. It’s a bad precedent that doesn’t do the band any good.
Running Free is from their debut record. They play it live very often. It’s generic. Strange World and Transylvania are better.
Alexander the Great follows in Mariner’s footsteps of being a long, boring song.
By the way, when a solo hits right when the BART enters a tunnel, or a song stops as the BART rolls Into a station…that’s a great moment.
5 BEST worst songs (Awesomely Bad)
- Holy Smoke — No Prayer for the Dying
- Bring your Daughter to the Slaughter — No Prayer blah blah
- Public Enema Number One — NP
- Look for the Truth — X Factor
- Satellite 15…..The Final Frontier
The first three are laughably bad. Terrible songs from Bruce Dickinson’s worst album. They are at all times cringey, boring, hilarious and sloppy.
Look for the Truth highlights Harris, during his aforementioned dark period, taking a pause from his well of history and fantastical inspiration to remind us that he wrote poetry in high school. “Blade of hatred slicing though!” ouch. That Blade sounds scary. 🙄 Still, it’s different! I listened to it 4 times and always groaned with endearment. X-Factor is bad, but you kind of want to give it a hug. I’ve been through some stuff too, Eddie. I feel you.
Another thing you can do while listening to all this Maiden is prepare amazon returns, or do household chores. You’ll definitely up the pace.
Satellite 15 is a hard one to rip on, because Dickinson discovered a golf-ball sized tumor on his tongue from throat cancer in 2014. He could have had cancer when he recorded this in 2010. It’s hard to say. But he recorded Book of Souls with his tumors and he sounds better on that record. I’m glad he’s healthy now!(well he still has HPV) But he sounds drunk on Satellite 15.
Best Performance by Worst Singer
The Clansmen — Virtual XI
The Bayley era is bad, but this song gave me hope. It made me think, not looking through my playlist to see it was almost over, that Maiden without Dickinson would work itself out. It only took 2 hours of bad songs.
Instead, Dickinson’s return felt like an eleven year rewind to the end of Seventh son. The band ventured back in time and saved John Conner. They picked up where they wanted to leave off. Still, The Clansmen slays. I want to find Dickinson performing it on a live record because I imagine he does right by the song.
By the way, there are 8(!) Iron Maiden live albums. Why so many? I skipped them cause I wanted this to eventually end.
Worst Performance by Best Singer
Holy Smoke— No Prayer for the Dying
Angrymetalguy says it better than me: “The other major development was that Bruce Dickinson discovered that he had vocal chords in his scrotum.” Just listen.
Honorable mention: Rime of the Ancient Mariner — In case you forget, this song is a turd!
FYI: To tweet while standing on the BART, plant your body lined with the length of the cart, get your feet a little past shoulder width apart, and support your balance with your hips. Then you have two free hands to tweet, and don’t have to touch anything gross.
Seventh Son of a Seventh Son isn’t that great
I teased this earlier in the post. Seventh Son is widely regarded as Maiden’s best writing and peak 80’s performance. But here’s the deal: It doesn’t stand out in this exercise. I only really remember what Can I Play with Madness sounds like. And the title track does that Iron Maiden “In case you forgot the name of the song” chorus. There’s some synth and that’s cool. But I found it forgettable. I was looking forward to it as some pinnacle achievement. Instead, Piece of Mind stuck with me as their best record and Seventh Son got lost somewhere.
2 Maiden Albums I enjoyed on my first listen
- Fear of the Dark
- Dance of Death
The album I didn’t expect was the super fun Dance of Death. A delightful change of pace, and the last memorable Maiden record for me.
Fear of the Dark is dynamic. The record flows easily, and Dickinson has so much energy. Harris complements the band instead of trying to stand out. The guitars aren’t so twangy, but have meat and crunch. It is the perfect blend of classic Maiden and an evolving sound.
Barn Burners, Surprises, and Delights
- Back In The Village — Powerslave
- Stranger in a Strange Land — Somewhere in Time
- Paschendale — Dance of Death
- Thin Line Between Love and Hate — Brave New World
I hadn’t heard any of these songs when I started my Maidenfest. They all stuck with me. Well, that’s a lie. I had heard Thin Line. It’s such a good song. It made me think, “Ok, I can do this. I can listen to 4 more hours of Iron Maiden.”
Hallowed be thy Name is Iron Maiden’s best song. Duh. It’s not even close.
There’s my hot takes. You can read my twitter account to see more, or follow me if you want more metal. Or don’t. Twitter is an appropriate place to follow things you can’t stand. Sarcasm aside, my main goal is to chat metal, a thing I love. In variety.
